on letting go

You know back in high school my then boyfriend introduced me to circa survive which has nothing to do with this post except for the fact that "on letting go" is the name of one of their albums. Quick side note on this sometimes ADD brain of mine.

Recently with my relationships its been a lot of one step forward, two steps back. I've been feeling pretty alone in the whole love department because my ex and I (gasp) are trying to take things one step at a time and not rush into anything (it's for the best). However, that has left me feeling like I'm in a relationship with zero benefits of a relationship. Just the usual pain and heartache, which he doesn't seem to get right now. So I'm left with feelings of complete frustration and questioning what I want to do with my life. I graduate next June, I turn 21 in 50 days, I don't honestly know where I'm going to be. And to top all of this stuff off I move the day after tomorrow to a completely new area and have to attempt to get set up there while trying to figure it all out. Let me tell you, letting things happen and letting go has never been a strong suit of mine. It takes me a long time to come to terms with things. I've never been good at letting go, even when I know that's exactly what I need to do.

typical tuesday

sleepy puppy

Finally got myself a bottle. I'll be letting you know how it works. I tried it out for the first time tonight.

I am so excited for fall, aka beanie weather. I just couldn't resist today. 

I love my dog. He's my little teddy bear. 

What more could I ask for of a Tuesday?

My hair....

So my hair used to look like this:

And then I got back to Portland and got it cut. My hair has seriously seen a ton of damage the past couple years. Its been blonde, dark, and everything in between. Its been straightened and curled billions of times. So I got 6 inches cut off. So much hair gone. When I look at this picture I miss it so much. So I'm trying to get it back. 

Segway to my favorite person ever, Weslie Christensen. Have you seen her blog, let alone her cute as can be family? Check em out here. She never washes her hair and uses a cleansing conditioner by Wen. 

Look at her hair! Actually both of them...wow. 

She has seen dramatic results, and I figure its my turn to give it a shot. So here goes. Sunday nights are coconut oil masks and once a week I'm going to condition with Wen. Can't even wait to see how this works although it could get worse before it gets better I'm afraid....

had a killer monday today....i should've brought a happier mug..

Even my nails took longer than normal...but I like the sparkle. Not too much, but just enough. 

Wish me some serious hair luck people, I'll update you soon. 

it's my birthday in 60 days...but who's counting?

So I swear when I'm broke I find the cutest things, so instead of going into debt for them, I'm just going to post them here as my birthday wishlist... hint hint fam....

The Altered Chain Pendant // Aritzia Diderot Sweater // Aritzia Babaton Harper Blouse // Free People In Your Arms Sweater Vest via Nordstrom // Arrow Phone Case // tattoo fund // rice cooker fund //

My mom and I discussed my birthday plans since my birthday is in exactly 60 days, and we are planning to go to Urban Fondue on 21st in Portland. One of my favorite places to go eat, and they share drinks with Bartini next door so its an absolutely perfect way to spend my birthday. As for the rest of the weekend, that could get crazy.

In other news, I have a plan for my next tattoo...

Instead of the bear, I want a wolf, and the child is going to be based off of one of the pictures of me from when I was little. I fell in love with this tattoo the moment I saw it and I can't wait to get it on my arm. 

Side note though, today I realized the power of the words "I love you". It has the power to change everything in an instant. A person can suffer enormous amounts of pain because they believe that someone loves them. I learned some things I didn't want to know today, things that were painful, and then I was told those three words. Does it really make the pain go away? Does it ease how hard those things were to hear? I don't know right now, but I do know that I will never throw those words around like nothing again.

Credit to my co-worker Dillon for this fantastic picture. I love the PNW. 

dinner love

So today I go approved for my new apartment! I cannot tell you how excited I am to move in the next couple of weeks. There's so much I have to get done between now and then, but I am definitely so happy that everything fell together smoothly. I needed some good news after this morning. Imagine going to work/school and finding out that not only do you owe 400 dollars but you are out of money for school! Thank goodness my boss is the best guy ever and figured it out all for me. Its scary how quickly things can change. I was contemplating what I would do if I didn't have my GI bill, quitting school, searching for another job, and moving in with my mom. Thank goodness it was just a mistake. Carrying on thankfully :)
Then after work I took a trip to goodwill, haha, I never shop there but I needed jeans for some new high waisted shorts that I've been living in lately. Didn't find the shorts but I did find the heavy denim jacket I've been searching for and a cute and cozy oversized sweater. All for under $20. Not bad, Hunter, not bad.

puppy photobomb....

So then I went to the store to get ingredients for tonight's dinner with my ex. (Yes, I know). As luck would have it, who do I run into? His mother. No, that's not a joke. It is funny when you have to tell his mother that he's actually in fact coming over for dinner. That's why you are at Whole Foods. Yikes? I don't know, but she's an incredible woman regardless. Our meal tonight? Roast chicken with bacon wrapped asparagus with a humus veggie starter. Pleased? I think I will be at least. 

I may be liking wine a whole lot more than before, but I'm still a beer girl....

 

Dinner ended up being so fantastic. I was impressed with myself even. I get to enjoy my yummy leftovers at work. The annoying part is that the clothes I bought are for sure winter clothes, and today it is a warm 88 degrees outside. So ready for fall you don't even know....

 

 

Your Face > Everyone Else's

Today was a long one, I started out at Blue Star Donuts in downtown Portland. I was looking forward to a good cup of coffee and a donut. Alas, the coffee and donut were not so great, but the company was.

This is Brendon. I've known this kid since I worked at Hollister. Yes, that was a long time ago. We have had our ups and downs, but he is one of the very few people that know me inside and out. He's going to be an excellent firefighter someday soon. 

I loved this sign on the building. Just something cute about that yogurt, not so sure exactly but it is. Sometimes Portland is the worst thing to me, and sometimes like this, it is just cute and adorable and I am glad I live here. 

Had a terrific lunch at Red Robin with my little brother. As we get older it has been great to be able to connect with him more and more. 

Today is my stepmother's birthday so we took a photo for her. My dog (the black fuzzy teddy bear) is oh so photogenic. He's a babe. 

I spend my days wandering around trying to figure out what my plan is and sometimes wishing I could fast forward to when my life is filled with a husband, a house, and children. I know it will work itself out, but patience is hard. 

travelin' soul

It's no secret that I love to travel. It should also be no secret that moving has become an integral part of my life since I was 7. Now, just before I turn 21, I am moving once again. First I explored Portland, well actually, I've explored Portland twice, but now I'm moving south to a new suburb, Tualatin. How exciting right? Haha. Its okay. I am just excited to have my own place again. Aspen is excited as well. I don't know how he's going to do without his furry sidekick, Maile, but my pup is going to do just fine. What I am really excited about is my 15 minute commute to work/classes. Could not be happier about that one. I can honestly say I hope that this place is it for awhile. It is scary to think that in a few months, I'll be graduating from college. Things are going to change quickly and I can't wait to see where they go.